If it was really that bad, she would just leave.

This is one of the most common things people say when talking about domestic abuse. It is also one of the most damaging.

Leaving an abusive relationship is rarely simple. In fact, it can be the most dangerous time for a woman.

Abuse is about control, and that control often extends into many parts of a woman’s life. A perpetrator may control money, housing, transport, friendships, family contact, or access to a phone. Over time, isolation and intimidation can make leaving feel impossible.

There are also practical barriers. A woman may worry about where she and her children will live. She may fear losing financial stability, or facing legal battles around custody. Some women are concerned they will not be believed. Others fear what the perpetrator might do if they try to leave.

For many women, leaving is not a single moment. It is a process that can take time, planning and support.

Research consistently shows that the risk of serious harm or homicide increases when a woman attempts to leave an abusive partner. Perpetrators may escalate their behaviour when they feel their control is slipping. This is why safety planning and specialist support are so important.

The question should never be “Why does she stay?”

A better question is “What is making it difficult or unsafe for her to leave?”

When communities understand this, the conversation shifts from judgement to support. Women do not need blame or simple answers. They need safe options, practical help, and people who believe them.

Each woman’s situation is different, and each path to safety will look different too.