When incidents of domestic abuse are reported, there is often an explanation close behind.
“He’d been drinking.”
“He was stressed.”
“His team had lost.”
These factors are often used to explain abusive behaviour, but they do not cause domestic abuse.
Most people experience stress at some point in their lives. Many people drink alcohol. Millions of people watch football every week. The vast majority do not go home and abuse their partner.
Alcohol can affect judgement and stress can make people feel overwhelmed, but neither creates abusive attitudes. Domestic abuse is about power and control.
One question worth asking is this: if alcohol, stress or football are truly the cause, why is the abuse so often directed at one particular person?
Someone may lash out at their partner when they are stressed, but not their boss. They may become intimidating towards their partner after drinking, but not their friends at the pub. They may blame a football result for their behaviour at home, but not behave the same way towards others.
This is why it is important to separate excuses from causes.
Alcohol may be present when abuse happens. Stress may be present. A football match may have happened beforehand. But none of these things force someone to abuse their partner.
When we focus too heavily on the alcohol, the stress or the football, we risk shifting responsibility away from the person causing harm. The conversation becomes about what happened to them rather than what they chose to do.
Domestic abuse is not caused by a bad day, a stressful week or a disappointing result. It is a pattern of behaviour used to gain power and control over another person.
Understanding that distinction matters. It helps us challenge harmful myths, hold people accountable for their behaviour and support those experiencing abuse without making excuses for it.
Alcohol did not choose the target.
Stress did not choose the target.
The football did not choose the target.
The person causing the abuse did.
